Choosing your wedding party

The task of choosing our wedding party has been more difficult then I anticipated. There's also all sorts of baggage associated with it (as we all know I'm sure). This post at A $10,000 Wedding really sort of got me going on this topic.

At my friend's wedding last summer, of which most of the helpers were theater folk, we kept joking about the wedding as if it were a production.
"Two hours to curtain!"
"So, which songs do you want for the pre-show music?"

And while we were joking about it, I think that it is a valid comparison. You have the cast: Bride & Groom, parents of the couple, officiant, attendants, MC etc. You have a Stage Manger: Wedding planner/Day of Coordinator (whether you pay someone or not, or if it is even the bride doing this, you have someone...) There is tech help: Ushers, sound guy, DJ, some times lighting help, and of course your costumers, make up artists, set builders/designers, props etc.

To follow the metaphor even further, when you are casting people for a show, or choosing your tech crew, you consider their talent for the position (do you love them/ like them, want them to stand up next to you or are the creative/talented/artistic/organized) but you also think about their professionalism. You would never hire someone in a vital position if you couldn't trust them to show up on time and do their job responsibly, to take direction from those in charge, and to work well with others. So why would you ask someone to work on your wedding if you can't trust them to do the same thing?

I have seen, in friends weddings, a situation where a bridesmaid was chosen because she was like a sister to the bride, even though the bride has a history with the girl of her being flaky and/or selfish as well as committing to things, and then dropping them later when it became 'too much'. She picked her because she loved her, and just hoped that the lack of professionalism wouldn't come into play. Sure enough, not long after the planning started in earnest, this girl was problematic, and causing stress for the bride. In the end, we were all scrambling to make up for the responsibilities that the bridesmaid hadn't done, the morning of the wedding. Retrospectively, the bride may have chosen to give this close friend a different role, where less was at stake, perhaps greeting guests, manning the guest book, helping to set up day of etc.

My point? Choose people to stand with you that you love and want to be with you on your wedding day, but also consider their level of professionalism, because if you wouldn't hire them to do the job, you shouldn't ask them to be part of your wedding party.

Bump in the Road

Right off the bat I knew that one of the big challenges for planning this wedding was going to be my FH's expectations. He simply has no basis for knowing how much Stuff costs. For instance, his only experience with photographers is the guy who does photos for the theater company we work for (incidentally also our wedding photographer, who's amazing btw. Michael Brinkerhoff). Since he sort of got his start with our theater company many years ago, he continues to give us a dirt cheap rate for shooting our shows. FH didn't know this, he just knew how much we paid him per show and figured "A wedding is smaller then a play, so it will cost a little less then that right?" So when I showed him Michael's website where the bottom tier was just over $1000 he flipped. After explaining the situation to him, he understood that he had made assumptions without actually having any info, and now realizes that things cost more then he thought they would, however, he's still definitely wants to find the least expensive ways to do things, as do I. He's just a bit more optimistic about finding things for cheap, then I am.

With that background knowledge, here is our hiccup. We finally got in contact with the location we wanted, the Long Tom Grange. It's pretty, and woodsy, more or less just what we want. We were anticipating a very inexpensive price, about $200. And we were right, it's $200/day. However, for weddings (and I KNOW I shouldn't have said that it as a wedding) they make you rent it for three days. One day for the rehearsal, one for the ceremony, and then clean up the next day. To me, this is reasonable, and they even give you a $50 break, and charge $550 for the three days. I think this sounds great. FH, wants to see if we can find somewhere cheaper.
The Long Tom Grange

The other issue is alcohol. I know a girl who got married at this location and they had a kegger. So I figured it would be no problem, but when I asked about alcohol, the woman said no alcohol, except for a champagne etc. toast. So obviously my friend was a bit dishonest about what they did at their wedding... Now we aren't having a bar at all, open or cash, but we are planning on supplying two or three bottles of wine per table, enough for people to drink it with dinner. I told her this was out plan, and she seemed to think that that might be ok, but we're looking into different insurance options (insurance is the reason they don't allow alcohol). So with the potential added expense of extra insurance, FH really thinks we should keep looking. Whereas, though I am willing to keep looking (and by we keep looking, that really means I keep looking) I am also pretty satisfied with the options laid out.

One thing I was thinking about last night was that if we had our ceremony at like 2pm, and then served a wide variety of hors d'ourves (sp?) with a small amount of wine, and then, at 9pm had a party back at our house (we have a huge back yard and a July wedding) for our friends, where people could party more, and drink more heavily if they wanted. I really like the idea, although I also recognize the issues with it, like paying for a location that we aren't using to its fullest extent, travel/driving time from the first location(for the ceremony and reception) to our home (about thirty minutes away), as well as the logistics of throwing a party in two different locations, the second of which we would be supplying minimal amounts of food and drink.

So what do you guys think? Anyone find a venue that wasn't a private residence for less then $550? (There are a variety of reasons we can't use a private residence which I'm happy to outline if someone wants me to) How about running into issues with alcohol? Any experience with event insurance that covers alcohol consumption? How about after parties? Especially of the BYOB&F variety. Thanks for any advice, and kudos for making it through my whole narrative!

More progress on dress selection.

I've decided to make my own. I can sew, I can sew pretty darn well if I do say so myself. All the dresses I like are expensive. Like $400 or $500, which I know isn't expensive in the wedding dress world, but it's a lot when we have an $8000 wedding budget and plan to feed 300 or more people dinner, and honeymoon in Europe. Plus wedding dresses are almost always the dreaded POLYESTER, which not only means it doesn't feel as nice, but it means that I can't dye the dress after my wedding.

I was at Joann's purchasing last minute accouterments for my Tudor gown (inspired by this portrait of Elizabeth I, only green) and I noticed that McCall's patterns were on sale for $1.99. I paged through them and lo and behold, they had a pattern nearly identical to the dress I liked so well (the orange one from my this post).

Evening Elegance
The key differences are that I will have shoulder straps, and a more scoop shaped neckline, instead of the sweetheart. I was so stoked. I proceeded to buy clearance linen/cotton blend and the rest of the materials I needed and I will make a mock up, I can't wait! Look for pictures in a few months, I have other projects to finish first!

What if...

A couple of my bridesmaids and I went to David's bridal last Friday to try on wedding and bridesmaid dresses. I should mention however, that I don't plan on purchasing from DB if I can help it, and I already have my dress picked out, and I know where I am buying it from. But when else, besides during her engagement, does a woman get to try on huge expensive poufy dresses? I've always been a fan of dress up, (along with my cousin and Maid of Honor) so that's what this trip was to us, a giant white dress up session!


And I must say, going into it with that attitude, I was actually quite surprised with how good of service I received, how much freedom I was allowed, and how many dresses were actually something I'd consider, at least if I was having a different style of wedding. Two in particular would be very me if I were having an indoor formal wedding. I've heard about a lot of weddings in museums, so I wasn't bent set of an outdoor wedding, perhaps I'd get married at the UO's Jordan Schnitzer Museum of Art.















And I would wear this dress.




Or maybe I am feeling traditional and want to be married in a church, how about the First Christian Chruch in Eugene? Then I would wear this dress.














































However, I'm not having either of those types of weddings, I am planning to get married at the Long Tom Grange (though I still have to book it).


We will be barefoot, and it will be beautiful and natural! I will wear this dress only in white or ivory, from Heart and Hands and it will be perfectly us.

WIC

I try hard not to buy into the Wedding Industrial Complex. We are doing a lot of DIY stuff. I will more then likely not have a poufy princessy gown, but a simple pretty white dress. We are buying as much as we can locally and a focus on environmental impact and celebrating our commitment with our friends and family are our priorities.

But sometimes you get caught up in things. I WANT to loose 25 pounds before my wedding. I want things to match. We must have gorgeous center pieces. And of course when you think about it, those things don't actually matter. If the green on the invitations is different then the green on the bride's sash, no one will complain.

As a reminder to how ridiculous the American Bridal Culture can be, please enjoy.



Of course the scary part is that WETV is real.*shudder* I'm so glad I don't watch television.

Simplifying things

This past week, Luke and I have made two decisions that are definite 'nos' for many brides. We've decided to forgo the official color palette, opting instead for a general "I like green" feel and just making choices that look good with what we already have. That means that the bridesmaids can choose more or less any dress they want that is not floor length (I don't want my bridesmaids having longer dresses then mine, and mine probably won't be floor length). And the gents can choose whatever color of vest they want, providing nothing clashes. Since the guys will be renting vests much closer to the date the the ladies will be purchasing dresses, we can make sure we don't have any awful color combos coming down the aisle together. The other thing this makes totally easier is choosing flowers. Instead of sticking to a color scheme for the flowers (which I plan to purchase at farmers markets and grocery stores day of, and rearrange myself), I can just buy some pretty flowers and call it good.

The other thing we have decided to leave out is guest favors. I have a small collection of bubble containers, mint tins etc. from a few friends' weddings. I've kept them because we're 'supposed' to, but I don't DO anything with them. Short of making edibles for guests, I can't come up with a favor that is useful, I like and won't break the bank. And edibles seem excessive because we're already hosting a dinner and desert. So it seems like an easy way to trim a few costs is to not do favors at all.

What do you guys think about cutting some traditional must haves like this? Do you think my guests will miss favors?

How would you like to earn extra income at home, in your free time?

A pitch I've heard many times... There are hundreds, probably thousands of 'work from home' companies out there. Recently I've particularly come in contact with the home party/consultant type. I ran into Avon ladies at church growing up. My room mate's friend was a Mary Kay lady my sophomore year of college. I got roped into going to a party lite party by some girls at work. An old friend/mentor approached me about getting into the Arbonne business, and another friend invited me to her CAbi party. Recently I attended a SPA Girl party of another friend. The products are always superior, some times inexpensive, some times not. What is the draw of the party based sales? It all started with Tupperware. Which upon reading up on is quite an interesting tale. A man invented it, and couldn't sell it, until a woman names Brownie Wise came along and figured out that by throwing parties, women would buy it more! Article Here.


But Avon is an even older business. It was founded in 1886, also by a man. He was actually selling books, and gave perfume away as a gimmick. But women became more interested in the perfume then the books! So he switched his market...
Personally I've never really liked Avon too much. It's always seemed aimed at the suburbanite middle aged woman, with tacky jewelry and mediocre perfume. I've never found their products to be of very high quality. More of a door to door and catalog company, rather then party, it still falls into the genre I think.

Mary Kay has always seemed to me to be the primary competitor to Avon. A little more sophisticated, and little 'richer' perhaps. And we can't forget the pink Cadillac! They are a much newer company, started in 1968, and more controversial too, with accusations of Pyramid schemes, and conflicts with PETA and other animal rights groups.

Arbonne is a company I am a consultant for (or was, I haven't paid this year, being a consultant is more like paying discount fee...). Though my activity is strictly limited to myself and my close friends. When I was considering becoming a cosmetologist, I thought it would be a nice compliment for my salon, to offer a line of products. Especially one I could get behind. Arbonne is big about not doing any real advertising to speak of. Their business is spread exclusively through word of mouth. They also are very hypoallergenic (although some people on the interwebz review sites claim otherwise). And they don't do any animal testing or animal additives. The company was started (also by a man) in 1975, it's a Swiss company.

SPA Girl Parties is something I was just introduced too. They seem like a decent company, with decent products, though nothing terribly special. The party I went to was fun and included a mini-pedicure. But the woman running our party lacked confidence (I think she was pretty new to it) so it's hard to say how my impression could have been different from a different consultant.

Moving away from the cosmetic/skin care area Partylite is a candle company I've become a big fan of. Though their candles are paraffin, not soy (I prefer soy). The parties are always fun, and the candles are a decent price. It's the candle holders and other display things that are super pricey (and where the company makes is money I'm sure). At the last partylite party I went to the consultant was totally on me trying to convince me that I wanted to get into the business, she said my personality was perfect for it (much like Vicki, my friend who does Arbonne was saying, only trying to convince me to do Arbonne)

CAbi is clothing, really nice high end clothing. And damn, their are few ways to convince me to spend a lot of money better then at one of these parties. The clothes are amazing, the prices are big, but not quite so spendy as to be more then I can convince myself to spend. The parties are always fab, who doesn't love trying on a bunch of new clothes?

Passion Parties and other 'adult' themed parties sound really fun. I've never been to one so I can't say much more about it, but I think it would be an exciting thing to go to, though I don't know that I could host one myself. I don't know if my friends would come to something like that...

You're probably wondering what this has to do with a wedding? Skin care and cosmetics have plenty to do with weddings, I know people who have spent big bucks to make sure that their skin was clear and zit free for their wedding, in fact we might do something like that for my Mr. if we can find something that works. I've also heard suggestions of Passion parties, or the like as bachelorette parties. Not something I would choose but hey? How about using one of these venues as a way to earn extra money to save for said wedding? I don't think I'll have the time. Part of my reluctance to become a full fledged money making consultant is most of my friends are poorer then I am, they can't afford this stuff!

What other consultant/party based businesses are out there? What are your favorites? Any one planning on integrating something like this into their wedding planning?