Last Wedding Post-Epic Picture Post

We finally got our pro-pics in, so I can do my post-wedding post!

Our wedding was July 31st, 2010 at the Long Tom Grange outside Junction City OR.

It was a semi-formal (Pacific Northwest Summer Formal, if such a thing exists?) with a loose nature/woodsy theme.

We had about 200 guests in attendance when all was said and done.

All in all the wedding went off swimingly, we had a few minor hitches:
*My husband forgot to get his pants hemmed before the wedding so our mothers were frantic trying to find needle and thread to tack them up
*I forgot my flat iron at home, and had to borrow one of my bridesmaids, generally I can flat iron and then curl my hair and it workes great, but using a different flat iron didn't work out so well so my curls fell flat. I still think the hair ended up looking ok, though not quite what I was going for.
*There was a longer break between the appetizers and dinner for some reason. Still not sure why, if there was a problem, or if it was a miscommunication, but only the people who knew the schedule ahead of time noticed, so it wasn't a big deal.

Other then that, I couldn't have asked for a better wedding. It ran like clockwork, and seemed be a lot of fun for everyone.


Invitations:



WE LOVED our invitations and received a lot of compliments on them for their creativity and attractiveness. Kristin from Twin Raven's Press was fabulous to work with, I highly recommend her. A+


Caterer-
Cornucopia Catering Company! They're a delicious bar and restaurant in our town.

Our Menu:
Appetizers:
*Baked Brie with Apples and Pears
*Fruit Basket/s with yogurt lime dipping sauce
Entrees:
*High Pasta – Spinach, artichoke hearts, tomatoes, roasted garlic, browned butter, parmesan cheese & hazelnut garnish.
*Chicken Pagonia – chicken breasts, fresh apples, portabello mushrooms,
tarragon, and shallots.
Sides:
*Gourmet Greens Salad w/ Edible Flower Garnish – Fresh greens accompanied by cucumber rounds, tomatoes, red onion and spinach. Served with two of our homemade dressings and homemade croutons.
*Green Bean Almondine – fresh and local green beans, sautéed to perfection in butter and spices, topped with toasted almonds.
Desert:
*Fruit Tarts—homemade fruit tarts from our Bakers...the freshest fruits... Homemade crust

We had fabulous service for an excellent price, the staff was friendly, helpful, and I can't say enough good things about them. The only hicough was that there was this strange long break between the apetizer and the meal, but that may have been due to a miscommunication of some sort. Those who didn't know the schedule, hardly noticed, and it was only a problem because it meant that it was starting to get dark before we finished the toasts and we didn't have ton of lighting. Overall though, really happy. I will totally go with these caterers again in the future. A

We served cupcakes (home made by various family members and friends) as our wedding cake.

We served glasses of Three Buck Chuck Cabernet Sauvignon coupled with Sparkling Cider for toasting and to drink with dinner.

This seemed to go over great, people (as far as I could tell) enjoyed the wine, and if they minded that it was cheap wine, they kept it to themselves.

The head table had Sweet Life's Chocolate Orgasm Cake [Orange Scented Chocolate cake filled with chocolate mousse and bavarian cream, topped with blood-orange-infused white chocolate butter cream and finished with ganache].

OMFG this was an amazing cake. It was so rich we barely were able to eat our slices. We had lots of extra which we ate most of and pawned off the rest before we took off on our honeymoon. The cake was amazing, a great value, beautiful and ready on time. A+

I carried a wildflower bouquet that I pick up from the local farmers market the morning of the wedding. This went amazingly. I arrived at the market right when the stalls were setting up so I told the man making my bouquet which flowers from his selection I preferred. I bought three bouquets at $5 each. One for me, and two that I broke apart and spread on the arbor/alter. This was an AWESOME idea, in my opinion.


The ceremony music is by my harper friend Noah Brenner. This was gorgeous and so pefect. Noah was of course amazing! :) A+

The reception music is DJ'd by my friend Steven Gott and his new DJ business Absolutely Entertaining. This also went off fabulously. He played a great mix of music and kept folks dancing (using those rented dance floors thank goodness!) all the way until we took off from the reception. His (brand new) equipment went great and in general I couldn't have been happier with the music. A+

Now for more pictures! Our photography was by Michael Brinkerhoff and Sean Hoffman of Start Your Forever Photography. Michael is an old theater friend of mine and I've always loved his photos of theater productions I've been in and head shots he's done. I was not disappointed by his wedding shots either. I was a bit of an idiot and wore comfortable, but not entirely flattering clothes to get ready in, but that's my own damn fault.

All our tables had centerpieces that were themed to something that was a part of our lives, past, present or future. Playmobil were some of my favorite toys.
Getting ready

Yup.
To be honest, I was getting sick of having pictures snapped while I was doing my hair, I thought this might disuade him. I was wrong.

I just love this because of how my BM's eyes came out!



Groom with NO PANTS!



Bridesmaids & me


Groomsmen & husband


Wedding party


The whole family, my grandparents, parents, brother, us, his parents, sister and grandmother.


Noah, my harper.

Looking towards the guests, from the alter


Groom and Minister (who was a childhood friend of groom), in case you couldn't tell ;)


Me and my dad (and his snazzy outfit, I loved what he ended up picking to wear, my dad's always had awesome and eclectic fashion taste!)






MOST AWKWARD WEDDING PICTURE EVER!!!!
I have no idea why we made stupid faces... we didn't get hardly any good 'presenting' pictures cuz we were making stupid faces in all of them.








We sort of rushed through cutting the cake since it was starting to get dark REALLY quick.

This picture is just SO me and my Gramma.

First Dance

Luke and his mother dancing.

Me and my dad

These kids had a blast dancing all night long, we ended up with so many pictures of them because they were just so much fun!

I HAD to put my hair up, it's nothing fancy but it kept it out of my way.



Our 'puzzle' themed table was a big hit! They stole the fire from the fire table in order to be able to see better!


WOOO!

There are 650 pro pics in all, it was hard to choose, I'll admit. If you're liking what you see, you can see all the pictures at www.startyourforever.com/langstraat/

Again if you're in Oregon and looking for a photographer, these guys were awesome, tell them Ruth sent you :)

Thanks for looking guys, some day I'll show a few of my 2000 plus honeymoon pictures? Maybe? Lol.

I'm glad to be married, the wedding was perfect (and just imperfect enough to feel REAL) and I'm happy to be married!

Name Change Trauma

I agree with the general consensus that the world seems to have that a family should share a family name. It gives a sense of coherence and it sends a message to the rest of the world that the family is a unit. So, my family should have a family name, which we all share.

Within the context of our society and culture (being that I am not myself a famous person, or someone who has an established professional identity associated with a particular name) I also accept the premise that if my name is different then my husband’s, or my eventual children's, there might be assumptions about the status of our marriage, or whether the kids are 'my kids' (which is silly because actual maternity is such a small part of relationship with children that gives that sense of ownership and responsibility). It will be easier, in my life, if my last name is the same as my husband, I accept that.

This is where things get tough. I accept that I live in a largely paternal society that recognizes the 'man' as the 'leader', and for that reason, the woman in typical relationships gives up her old family name, and takes her husband's name, symbolizing her leaving the house of her father, and entering the house of her husband (yea, riiight).

In my particular state and county there are two 'default' name changes options when you get your marriage certificate. One is to simply remove the maiden name, and add the husband's last name. So, rather then be Ruth Elizabeth Ames, I would become Ruth Elizabeth Langstraat. The second option (we're so forward thinking here) is to hyphenate both names, so I would be Ruth Elizabeth Ames-Langstraat, or Langstraat-Ames.

I personally think hyphenated names are silly, cumbersome and confusing. I understand that some people like them, but what happens when Ms. Splonskowski-McDonald marries Mr. Milenowitch-Martinelli? Mr. & Mrs. Splonskowski-Martinelli-McDonald-Milenowitch? We break into choruses of bad children's songs the loop indefinitely.

I am also gratuitously, substantially and irrevocably attached to my maiden name. So what's a girl to do?

Because we were travelling internationally immediately after our nuptials, and didn't want to deal with it, we chose (with little advisement) to forgo my name change at the time, and deal with it later, when I could choose an option that better suited my needs. I finally settled on adding Ames as a middle name. This is a common and even old fashioned choice, as evidenced by my conservative friend's Catholic mother, who did the very same thing. So I would be Ruth Elizabeth Ames Langstraat. Simple, right?

There is trauma associated with the change of name. I don't know that I could have stomached giving Ames up completely, had Luke pressed the issue, I may have freaked out, called the whole thing off. Despite the fact that getting married doesn't change nearly enough as the Wedding Industrial Complex, or the romance films would have you thing, changing your name, and essentially deleting an aspect of your name (the ultimate symbol of our identity) is like deleting an aspect of that identity. And to be less philosophical about it, I've been Ruth Ames for 25 years and I rather like her! (My husband adds, he likes her too, but he also likes Ruth Langstraat).

It was with this social injustice (or perhaps that's too strong a word, social unfairness?), and anticipated trauma that I approached the Lane County Circuit Court on Wednesday with the purpose of changing my name.

Can I just say, I understand why lawyers and judges dress up so much? Short of wearing a power suit and heels, I don't think anything could have overcome the overwhelming feeling of sleazy-ness and criminal disapproval that I felt going into the courthouse, the security took longer then it does at our local airport, the direction was confusing, I had to take off my shoes, and despite the fact that everyone there was polite and respectful, I couldn't help but feel as if they suspected me of some crime. They wouldn't even let me take my knitting into the courthouse!

We approached the front desk, only to be informed that they didn't sell the forms here, I had to go to a stationary store a few blocks away and purchase them. A mere five minutes after the haranguing experience through security we were out and walking down the street. At this point the mere apprehension of the process had escalated to alternating fury, frustration, fear and grief. I was neither polite, nor calm, though the walk to the store helped, marginally.

A few minutes later, $12.50 poorer, we returned to the court house, went through the same security protocol (this time, since we were pro's we expected it to be quicker, but the line was longer so it took it's good sweet time). We headed to information again, which directed us to a series of windows with glass there, to protect the clerks. After the woman helped walk me through the forms and watched me sign them, and took $150 of our dollars, we were informed that the forms need to be posted for 15 days, in case anyone objected. Then I could return to attend my hearing at 8:30 in the morning on a Friday, yes missing potential work, to verify that all was well, and then after paying yet another fee, perhaps then I could have my new name.

Talk about making me feel like a criminal for bucking the trend. I mean I wasn't changing my name to Captain Awesome (yes, that was an actual posting on the board!), or Sunshine Starfish, or Pearly Gates or Adolf Hitler or something weird, offensive or outlandish, I just want to keep my identity as part of my name! And yet, here that process was as effectively criminalized as if they'd put me in handcuffs.

Ok, I may be exaggerating on that one, but an already traumatic experience of letting go of an aspect of my identity was exacerbated into panic, and anger by a difficult and expensive process (not helped by the fact that the clerk thought I was a divorcee for some reason! "No," I said, "I'm going the other direction!")

After we were finished, and headed off to run other errands, a bit of psychological reverie also revealed to me that my husband’s excitement over my name change had also made things worse. He was so excited for us to share a name that he didn't realize that some of his excitement was translated into pressure from my perspective.

When all is said in done, it really isn't a big deal. And really, it should be difficult to change your name, the government has valid reasons to keep track of those things, and valid reasons to have those things reviewed by a judge, but the trauma I experienced indicates to me that the attitude about women changing their name, and the options that they are given is outdated. If I simply want to hold on to my old identity, while adding my new family name, I should be able to do that without going through the same difficult (and expensive) process that Ms. Flowers Rainbow Patchouli does. And I don't know if it's a feminist issue, for sure the assumption that the woman changes her name, not the man is. But with the relative common-ness of non-traditional name change practices, perhaps the process in Lane County deserves an update.

I have a clean-dentity.

One of the most challenging aspect of living with other people is the blending of several people's version of 'clean'. You expectations for the status quo of your home, more then anything, is from the home you grew up in. Like many things inherited from our parents, we are either reactionary like the pendulum, or emulate those aspects that inspired us.

For me, I emulate my parents in some ways, and am reactionary in others. In the realm of emulation, I must first inform you that my father is a bit of a perfectionist, especially in the kitchen. My father is a jack of all trades in the purist form. He could never find anything to

capture his interests enough to want to get a degree in, and so never graduated college. He grew up on farms, and working the land, building things, working with his hands, so he knows a bit of each skill type. He built houses, worked on construction crews, but was always creative and perhaps sensitive, and so he cultivated the other less stereotypically masculine aspects of himself as well. He's an accomplished and talented sketch artist, sculpter, potter, woodworker, leatherworker, tailor... and perhaps most relavant on this topic, cook. I grew up knowing my father as the cook, in fact, I didn't realize my mother could cook until I was well into middle school because Dad always cooked. We had homemade bread, gourmet meals, creative recipes and it was all delicious. But the kitchen was Dad's domain and he wanted it just so. Dishes were always rinsed and set on the counter, never stacked in the sink. Trash was carefully sorted into compostables, plastic & metal, and finally burnable trash. The cupboards were ordered and things always in their place. As a result I can't think if the kitchen is a mess. The sink must be cleared and each cupboard a specific purpose and organizational scheme. If this is no the case, then I am doing it wrong.

My mother was a fastidious housekeeper, mostly. We cleaned bathrooms and swept, and vacuumed as often as we could as a busy family, and her commitment to routine clean has certainly inspired me, but my greatest association with housekeep and my mother is the business of her decorating sense. Part of this is utilitarian. We always had pets, and so not only were most flat surfaces kept as full of stuff as possible (to keep the cats from jumping up and sleeping on them, and thereby knocking things over), but all furniture was covered with country quilts of varying colors and patterns. Every inch of free space was utilized from full bookshelves of books, trinkets and photo frames, to jungles of houseplants on top of a chest beneath a window, draped in lacy curtain. I've always been more or less ok with busy-ness. But as I've become used to having my own home, with my own decorating sensibilities, I am more and more drawn to simplicity. Solid colors, clean and empty surfaces, matched sets, neat and organized rows.

This might seem like a bit of unnecessary family

history on my part (overshare, tl;dr) but, it's

relevant in that these two things (although not alone) are part of my formative identity, so agreeing with another person, most specifically my darling husband, as to what 'clean' means, and who's to be responsible for it getting (and staying) that way, is

among the more difficult challenges.

And while it is safe to say that after living

together for three years prior to our nuptials, not a lot has changed, for some reason this issue seems more ever present in my mind. In order to compromise and find happy mediums we tried delegating tasks or spaces to each other, although that hasn't worked entirely to our satisfaction. We've also tried ignoring the things that irk us, also not an ideal plan.

The only solution that I can see is that despite, or in spite of our formative clean oriented identities, we must strive to create a new, dual identity to what our own version of clean is. Starting fresh, and new at the beginning of this new journey.